Thursday, December 13, 2012

Word of the day: procrastinate


pro•cras•ti•nate  (pr-krst-nt, pr-)

v. pro•cras•ti•nat•ed, pro•cras•ti•nat•ing, pro•cras•ti•nates

v.intr.

To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

v.tr.

To postpone or delay needlessly.

Use in sentence:

Fuck off Chainrai you ****! Stop procrastinating!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Hello good news, goodbye to bad news


Not to be outdone, following the revelations by Micah Hall on FansOnline.net, Frattonise has an exposé of its own.

We've obtained the full 'Owners and Directors' test questionnaire that Pratpine and its owner Bogroll Chainmail failed to pass:

1. Are you a crook?
A. Yes
B. Yes

2. Did you take Pompey's last £4m in February 2010?
A. Yes 
B. Saw it, pinched it, spent it.

3. Did you lie about why you came here?
A. Yes
B. Is the Pope Catholic? Is Luxembourg small? Do bears... etc

4. Did you know what Daniel Azougy was doing between October 6, 2009, and February 2010?
A. Yes
B. No, I'm usually in a permanent vegetative state. The only way to wake me is to wave other people's money at me

5. Do you have a long-term vision for Fratton Park?
A. No 
B. It really depends on scrap-metal prices

6. Did you come here to asset strip the club and accidentally get caught in the wringer because of crass misjudgments?
A. Yes
B. Ouch. I'm caught in a wringer-type mechanism

7. Is it true you remained at arm's length from Pompey before they went into administration in 2012?
A. No
B. Yes, but I've got arms like Mr Tickle

8. Here is a one-way ticket to Hong Kong, please have your passports ready...
A. What do you mean 'economy'?
B. We're the victims here, it's just that everyone else is so busy listening to those charities and small creditors whining, that they can't hear the tears splashing to the floor around me ...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Pompey's pact with the Devil...?

The ghost of John Deacon has announced he has submitted a bid for Portsmouth FC to administrators PKF. Deacon was owner of Pompey between 1974 and 1989 but retired from football following his death.

Now he says he wants to return to Pompey and finish the job.

"I took Portsmouth into the top flight and carried out substantial work on the stadium (knocking down the Fratton End), during my previous spell. Now I want to put Pompey back where they belong."

Doubts have been raised about Deacon's ability to raise the necessary funds, but he sought to allay doubts on that front.

"I've been developing the western shore of the Lake of Fire in hell and done very well."

Companies from hell do not have to file accounts at Companies House and Deacon denied rumours of being a front man for a consortium involving Lord Satan, the discredited former Red Devils owner.

"I am good friends with Lord Satan but he is not involved in this deal. It's purely my own thing. I've got massive plans for Pompey, there will be a million capacity bowl stadium which will drive non-matchday revenues as the souls of the damned will be thrown in during the week."
 
As part of the deal, Deacon claimed he has offered all Pompey's recent owners a good return on their outstanding debt, including cash, share options and a condo in hell when they die.
 
A supporters' spokesman said "We would be very sceptical of Mr Deacon's claims. We do not want to see any consortium involving Lord Satan connected with Pompey. Although we would prefer it to Portpin."
 
PKF declined to comment.