Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Record-breaking Takeover Talks rises again

Pompey’s record-breaking hot-air balloon, ‘Takeover Talks’, has risen again after a world-beating 743 days above ground.

The balloon, launched originally by Titus Andoronikou – the club’s administrator – has maintained orbit above Fratton Park for more than two years, after it was originally inflated by the hot air of the administrator himself.

Remarkably it has maintained a position of credibility above the ancient old stadium despite often having nothing to sustain it.

Maurice McShirter, from the Guinness Book of Extended Negotiations Records, explained: “The fact this balloon has remained airborne for so long, with people discussing it constantly, has amazed us. Very often there was absolutely nothing to keep it floating yet it stays up there.

“Some philosophers have even discussed the possibility that it actually doesn’t exist and is, in fact, nothing more than an abstract concept created by devious fraudsters in order to muddy the already dirty waters. But that’s not our concern – all we are interested in is quantifying how long it has been doing the rounds above the stadium.”

A na├»ve fan, who asked not to be named, though we can confirm he is prominent in the supporters club, added: “We fully expect the balloon to land soon, and I am reliably informed, by people whose credibility I have no proof of, that when it does, the basket will contain the likes of Craig Bellamy, Jamie O’Hara and Gareth Barry.

“I also see fairies at the bottom of my garden and have regular discussions about the merits of 4-4-2 with Lord Voldemort.”