Titus Andronicus was at great pains to point out that Bogroll
Chainmail had not been pulling the strings all along
In a shock move which is likely to shock nobody except those adept at feigning shock, crisis club Portsmouth's administrator Titus Andronicus has revealed the club's new owner is likely to be the club's previous owner.
Responding to criticism that this is what he had planned all along, Andronikou put his fingers in his ears and yelled loudly: "La la la la la - I can't hear you!"
He added: "Mr Chainmail is ideally placed to take on the club through his non-investment company Loophole Poldings, I mean Porthole Loadings. Nobody is better placed to take on the club as nobody has instucted me quite as well as Mr Chainmail.
"He invested a lot of money in the club before it went into administration and is desperately keen to take it back out again. Accusations that he will run the club into the ground are wide of the mark - it's already there. It will be a mercy killing."
The club's new chief executive, former 70s comedy character Dick Lampwick (pictured), said: "Is it me or is there a funny smell around here?"
Lampwick smelled a rat
The news did not go down well with all Pompey fans.
"The news will not go down well with all Pompey fans," said Pompey fan Roger Daltrey. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH we won't get fooled again," he added.