Monday, April 26, 2010

Pompey fans' generosity spurs former CEO into action

Following Pompey fans’ generosity in clubbing together to pay off club debts to local charities, former chief executive Peter Storrie is following suit.

He has asked the fans if they could club together to help pay his domestic staff, some of whom have not been able to earn any money since he laid them off.

“Obviously I’m not concerned about them,” said Storrie, “but my laundry is building up, the garden needs tending and these selfish bastards simply refuse to work tirelessly for no money.

“So if the fans could club together to help I could once again put my feet up in a crisp linen shirt while looking out over acres of beautifully tended garden. I’m sure that’s what the fans would want after all I did for them.”

You can donate to Mr Storrie’s appeal at www.justathievingbastard/pfcfans

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Pompey in Moyes volcano shock

Boffins at the University of Liverpool claim to have discovered the reason behind the Icelandic volcanic eruption that has caused a cloud of volcanic ash to envelop Northern and Central Europe.

They claim their research demonstrates that the eruption was caused by subsonic tones contained within Everton boss Moyes perpetual whining about Portsmouth. These tones have irritated the earths crust to such an extent that the volcano has tried to launch itself into space just to get away from his tedious moaning about how unfair it all is.

Professor Ovten Styalfings said "we believe there is good reason to suggest that a number of natural disasters in recent years can be traced back to Moyes moaning about Portsmouth getting into Europe, winning the cup, attracting better players and so on."

And Styalfings claims the evidence is obvious for everyone to see. "Just look at Moyes face. Even his own eyes are palpably trying to escape from the subsonic frequencies generated by his latest ranting about Portsmouth and Europe."

Everton boss Moyes had complained that his Everton side shouldn't be denied a place in Europe just because they hadn't earnt one. He is rumoured to have told the Football Association that if Everton aren't given someone elses place in Europe he will cry until the seas boil and Atlantis rises from under the sea.

Moyes was unavailable to comment last night, because his lower lip was stuck out too far.